I met my fiancé 7 months after my husband died. I know he would be happy for me.

• Regina Lawless met her husband at 18 and was with him for 21 years.
• He died from a heart attack when Regina was 40 and their son was 15.
• Regina found love again later that year and is now engaged.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Regina Lawless, author of "Do You." It has been edited for length and clarity.

My husband Al and I were pioneers in online dating. We met in a Yahoo chat room back in 1999. My username included the word "heaven," and Al sent me a chat saying, "Is there any room in heaven for me?"

I was only 18, so I liked Al's cheesy pickup line. Soon, I realized we had a lot in common. I had recently graduated from high school and enlisted in the Army Reserve. Al was five years older than me and had just returned from four years of active duty with the Navy. He gave me tips on how to survive boot camp.

I was attracted to Al's worldliness and his humor. Once we met in person, there was a magnetic pull between us. We got married five years after we met, and our son, Morgan, was born the year after that.

At first, Al was the breadwinner, but my salary soon eclipsed his

Al worked in manufacturing. At the beginning of our relationship, I was still putting myself through college. He helped support me financially and emotionally.

Over our marriage, our financial dynamic changed. I got my master's degree and began working in corporate jobs, eventually becoming the Diversity Equity and Inclusion Lead at Instagram. My income jumped, while he stayed pretty much the same.

That never bothered Al. He didn't feel less fortunate because he wasn't the breadwinner. Although, the more I made the more he spent. The man loved sneakers and eating out.

Al was having a heart attack, but we didn't realize

In May 2021, Al and I went on a date. When we got home, he wasn't feeling well. That wasn't too unusual. He was diabetic and had experienced pretty severe indigestion in the past.

The next day, he looked really bad. I called urgent care, and they told me to hang up and call 911. I followed the ambulance to the ER, where the doctor said, "Did you know your husband was having a heart attack?" That completely floored me.

The doctors told me to call my family because Al might not make it through the night. I went to see him in the operating room. As I walked out, I collapsed. My parents had to pick me up off the floor. Shortly after, Al died.

I was in a daze until I went away for 3 days to grieve

The next few weeks were a daze. I held Al's funeral on what would have been his 46th birthday. I was surrounded by family, but I didn't feel like I could grieve with everyone else around. I was also struggling with panic attacks.

About a month after Al passed, my sister moved in. She provided some normality to our house. We celebrated Morgan's 16th birthday and tried to make it feel as normal as possible. Once I got through that, I knew I needed time for myself. I spent three days in a hotel, finally taking the time to process my loss.

I'm getting married later this year

I was with Al for 21 years, more than half my life at that point. I thought I'd meet someone else eventually, but probably not until I was in a nursing home.

Yet, that December, about seven months after Al died, I went out with friends. Something told me to take off my wedding ring. That night, I met Jeffrey, who is now my fiancé. When he first touched my hand, I felt a jolt. He was so compassionate about me being a widow but didn't treat me like I needed to be tip-toed around.

Still, I felt guilty. I worried about what people would think and that I was betraying Al's memory. Then, my therapist said, "What would Al want?" I knew he would want me to be happy because we'd had those conversations.

Jeffrey proposed to me in 2024, and we're getting married this October. I know I can honor my love for Al while allowing new things to flower. With time, therapy, and a lot of self-work, I've been able to open myself up to the universe. I've continually chosen to stay open, even when it feels scary. That has allowed me to love again.