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I love my partner - but my desire for queer intimacy has become all-consuming
During a brief separation, I had my first sexual experiences with cis and trans women. They were ecstaticI’m a thirtysomething woman who has been with the same man since I was 21. I’ve always known I was queer but was monogamous with him until, during a brief separation, I had my first intimate experiences with cis and trans women. They were ecstatic and affirming in the parts of me that they unlocked, as well as the agency I felt in seeking to fulfil desires I had long consigned to fantasy. I can’t imagine going through life never again experiencing the range of emotion I did in those moments.My partner and I are now back together and in some ways stronger than ever as a couple – more communicative and committed to the relationship. I’ve told him everything written here and more, including my desire for an open relationship. He has said he needs time: he can imagine one day being OK with us exploring our sexuality together with a third person, but at present he does not want to have sex with anyone else and can’t conceive of what it would be like to know or suspect that I am doing so. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Continue reading...
During a brief separation, I had my first sexual experiences with cis and trans women. They were ecstatic
I’m a thirtysomething woman who has been with the same man since I was 21. I’ve always known I was queer but was monogamous with him until, during a brief separation, I had my first intimate experiences with cis and trans women. They were ecstatic and affirming in the parts of me that they unlocked, as well as the agency I felt in seeking to fulfil desires I had long consigned to fantasy. I can’t imagine going through life never again experiencing the range of emotion I did in those moments.
My partner and I are now back together and in some ways stronger than ever as a couple – more communicative and committed to the relationship. I’ve told him everything written here and more, including my desire for an open relationship. He has said he needs time: he can imagine one day being OK with us exploring our sexuality together with a third person, but at present he does not want to have sex with anyone else and can’t conceive of what it would be like to know or suspect that I am doing so.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Continue reading...
