Senior coworker took offense at a joke; now despises me
I am quite new to the job market. I usually come across as an (maybe too much) upbeat and friendly, yet hardworking person. About a month ago I joined a local consultancy-like company and quickly started talking with everybody. We got confident and play jokes on each other. At some point, a coworker played a joke on me and I replied by adding a friendly (but probably workplace inappropriate) "silly" at the end of it. I live in Spain. He did not seem bothered (at that point). Some days go by and this 30 year older Senior coworker tells me publicly "we have to talk". Feeling something was off, I privately approached him repeatedly and he just did not tell me anything just, "something kind of serious". Days go by, and he starts acting very unfriendly: he ignores me, avoiding eye-contact even in public conversations for days. I once heard he shouted to another coworker, "I have to talk seriously to some people in this company...", probably referring to me. He is the "funny-pranky guy" in the office even at his age and he is not my superior in any way, just senior. At some point, I decide to avoid him as well, in an attempt to deescalate the situation (or just hide it under the rug and let time heal). After some days avoiding contact (even at company meals and team-building events), he told me if I had a second to talk and I agreed. He told me: What I did was wrong and insults in the workplace are completely out of place (even in a friendly way). I agree with this. After about a week or so, this is the first time he told me what was wrong. I said I completely agree, and I added he knows me enough to know I did not mean any bad intentions at all. But I messed up. He told me he would ABSOLUTELY NOT let me do that if he ever saw me doing it again to other people or him in a quite threatening tone. Then, he softened it by saying he was also subject to this rule himself. I told him I would follow this advice and went on with my day. I am quite young, inexperienced and just entered the company a month ago, so I concluded to proceed as follows: I most likely messed up by using this "insult" in the workplace. I agree. It is a no-no and I got too confident. He looks like a potentially toxic and manipulative person. Even though his argument is right, he completely overdid it by attacking a 30 year younger, new addition to the company in weaker position, and not even letting go when I approached him trying to deescalate the situation for a couple of weeks (making it a bigger deal than needed). I think it is best not to confront him about this but to avoid contact with him when possible. I probably should tell NOBODY (not my coworkers, managers, bosses or HR) about this since I am a very new addition to the company, and I do not expect this to have a significant impact from now on (although it will certainly be a concern for me). Since I do not know who to ask for advice I posted this here... Is my assessment right? EDIT (update) (11/10/2023) Even after the "talk" and letting me know, he is still ignoring my greetings, avoiding me and giving side-eye looks when I am doing my stuff. It is sad situation for me but i will try to not loose too much sleep over. I know it is impossible to be liked by everyone... I really do not think trying to "talk it through" and submitting myself to his game is the way to go. I will just let it be. EDIT 2 (update 2025/03/04) Just in case anyone was interested. It has been a long time since this happened and everything (kinda) went back to normal. He is just weird. He has had similar incidents with other JUNIOR coworkers. Being with him for more than a year, my assessment is that he has no power inside the company while being a veteran. He tries to assert his experience/dominance in every situation he can even though nobody pays attention to him because he is not of much value and he just wants to be listened. Frustrated leader wannabe. I get along "quite well" with him nowadays, still wouldn't be my friend tho...
I am quite new to the job market. I usually come across as an (maybe too much) upbeat and friendly, yet hardworking person. About a month ago I joined a local consultancy-like company and quickly started talking with everybody. We got confident and play jokes on each other. At some point, a coworker played a joke on me and I replied by adding a friendly (but probably workplace inappropriate) "silly" at the end of it. I live in Spain. He did not seem bothered (at that point).
Some days go by and this 30 year older Senior coworker tells me publicly "we have to talk". Feeling something was off, I privately approached him repeatedly and he just did not tell me anything just, "something kind of serious". Days go by, and he starts acting very unfriendly: he ignores me, avoiding eye-contact even in public conversations for days. I once heard he shouted to another coworker, "I have to talk seriously to some people in this company...", probably referring to me. He is the "funny-pranky guy" in the office even at his age and he is not my superior in any way, just senior.
At some point, I decide to avoid him as well, in an attempt to deescalate the situation (or just hide it under the rug and let time heal). After some days avoiding contact (even at company meals and team-building events), he told me if I had a second to talk and I agreed. He told me:
- What I did was wrong and insults in the workplace are completely out of place (even in a friendly way). I agree with this. After about a week or so, this is the first time he told me what was wrong.
- I said I completely agree, and I added he knows me enough to know I did not mean any bad intentions at all. But I messed up.
- He told me he would ABSOLUTELY NOT let me do that if he ever saw me doing it again to other people or him in a quite threatening tone. Then, he softened it by saying he was also subject to this rule himself.
- I told him I would follow this advice and went on with my day.
I am quite young, inexperienced and just entered the company a month ago, so I concluded to proceed as follows:
- I most likely messed up by using this "insult" in the workplace. I agree. It is a no-no and I got too confident.
- He looks like a potentially toxic and manipulative person. Even though his argument is right, he completely overdid it by attacking a 30 year younger, new addition to the company in weaker position, and not even letting go when I approached him trying to deescalate the situation for a couple of weeks (making it a bigger deal than needed). I think it is best not to confront him about this but to avoid contact with him when possible.
- I probably should tell NOBODY (not my coworkers, managers, bosses or HR) about this since I am a very new addition to the company, and I do not expect this to have a significant impact from now on (although it will certainly be a concern for me).
Since I do not know who to ask for advice I posted this here... Is my assessment right?
EDIT (update)
(11/10/2023) Even after the "talk" and letting me know, he is still ignoring my greetings, avoiding me and giving side-eye looks when I am doing my stuff. It is sad situation for me but i will try to not loose too much sleep over. I know it is impossible to be liked by everyone...
I really do not think trying to "talk it through" and submitting myself to his game is the way to go. I will just let it be.
EDIT 2 (update 2025/03/04)
Just in case anyone was interested. It has been a long time since this happened and everything (kinda) went back to normal.
He is just weird. He has had similar incidents with other JUNIOR coworkers.
Being with him for more than a year, my assessment is that he has no power inside the company while being a veteran. He tries to assert his experience/dominance in every situation he can even though nobody pays attention to him because he is not of much value and he just wants to be listened. Frustrated leader wannabe.
I get along "quite well" with him nowadays, still wouldn't be my friend tho...
