How to approach my autistic friend regarding his negative behavior?
I have a close friend who is autistic. We have been friends for over 20 years. Over time he has made increasingly disparaging comments about me and I am unsure of how to address this. My friend was identified as autistic at an early age and underwent behavioral modification (treatments specifically designed to treat the effects of autism). If you were to casually encounter him while doing everyday tasks, you probably would not know that he is autistic. He carries on a fairly normal life and is successful in an intellectually challenging job involving a fair number of business associates. However, if you spend a significant amount of time with him, you may notice that his social interactions are, odd -- he has a certain awkwardness or anxiety in the way he behaves. He is also a bit egocentric and seems to lack some insight into his and other's behavior. Please note that I am not an expert on autism and I am not attributing these traits / behaviors to everyone who is autistic. But, I have heard that people with autism may miss certain social cues. Over time he has made increasingly disparaging remarks towards me. For instance, I arranged a large social gathering, but suffered a severe headache as the night progressed. His date noticed that I was suffering from a headache. My friend's response to this observation was, "Englishman Bob always has something wrong with him. I wouldn't pay any attention!" There have been other instances like this. I have indirectly referenced these remarks and he seems to get the hint for a brief period of time (several weeks?). I don't believe that my friend understands that he's being outrightly cruel. My strategy for dealing with issues like this with other associates would be to drop a few hints here or there that I don't like a given behavior. If these hints go unnoticed I would probably resort to classic assertiveness -- I'd likely wait until a less stressful time and say, "Hey, when you do 'X' I feel 'Y.' Could you maybe change your behavior? Or maybe there something I could do differently?" I am hesitant to communicate via classical assertiveness with him due to the lack of insight into how he and others behave. Are there strategies or suggestions on how I could address his behavior?
I have a close friend who is autistic. We have been friends for over 20 years. Over time he has made increasingly disparaging comments about me and I am unsure of how to address this.
My friend was identified as autistic at an early age and underwent behavioral modification (treatments specifically designed to treat the effects of autism). If you were to casually encounter him while doing everyday tasks, you probably would not know that he is autistic. He carries on a fairly normal life and is successful in an intellectually challenging job involving a fair number of business associates.
However, if you spend a significant amount of time with him, you may notice that his social interactions are, odd -- he has a certain awkwardness or anxiety in the way he behaves. He is also a bit egocentric and seems to lack some insight into his and other's behavior. Please note that I am not an expert on autism and I am not attributing these traits / behaviors to everyone who is autistic. But, I have heard that people with autism may miss certain social cues.
Over time he has made increasingly disparaging remarks towards me. For instance, I arranged a large social gathering, but suffered a severe headache as the night progressed. His date noticed that I was suffering from a headache. My friend's response to this observation was, "Englishman Bob always has something wrong with him. I wouldn't pay any attention!" There have been other instances like this. I have indirectly referenced these remarks and he seems to get the hint for a brief period of time (several weeks?).
I don't believe that my friend understands that he's being outrightly cruel. My strategy for dealing with issues like this with other associates would be to drop a few hints here or there that I don't like a given behavior. If these hints go unnoticed I would probably resort to classic assertiveness -- I'd likely wait until a less stressful time and say, "Hey, when you do 'X' I feel 'Y.' Could you maybe change your behavior? Or maybe there something I could do differently?"
I am hesitant to communicate via classical assertiveness with him due to the lack of insight into how he and others behave. Are there strategies or suggestions on how I could address his behavior?
